I had a dream about Eugene the night before Noah's film wrapped.

    Eugene and I were walking around town. We ended up at a shopping mall and I kept telling him that I had to go. I was going to be late. We went to the circus and I kept telling him that I had to go. I was going to be late. We went into a photobooth and took our pictures together, he was smiling and laughing. I was so worried about being late but I didn't know what I was going to be late for. Finally, he gave in. He walked me to our mother's house and waved to me from the bottom of the stairs. I went inside the house. My youngest nephew was taking framed pictures of Eugene and placing them on a bed. He wouldn't answer me when I asked him what he was doing. My mother and sister took me by the hands and told me about how late I was. We made it to our destination. A funeral home. I had left Eugene because I was worried about being late to his funeral. I had pushed my brother away so that I could go to his funeral. His ashes were in a mayonnaise jar on the alter next to an enlarged photo of him. I touched the jar. I wasn't going to see my brother again because I didn't want to be late to his funeral.
   
***

    "I love you, Moriarty, I truly honestly love you."

    Noah had a hand on each one of my shoulders. He had tears in his eyes and was drunk.

    "And I am sorry if I have ever been a complete bastard."

    It was the night that we had finished the principal photography for the film and we were engaged in the nearest thing to a wrap party that we were going to get. The rest of the cast and crew had gone on to a cafe that someone had booked for the evening but Noah and I, thanks to a security guard friend that he had, managed to sneak onto the Universal Studios back lot. We hid in the shadows and drank 40s of Mickey's. It was terrible. It was endearing.
    I had wanted to cry with him but knew that I had so much to cry about that once I had started, I wouldn't be able to stop. I couldn't actually remember when the last time that I had really cried was...
    "We're going to make more movies together, Audrey. Loads more!" He enthused, "Maybe even in this studio! Or, hell, whatever studio offers us the most money! And they will offer us loads of money! They'll fight for us! You'll see... EVERYONE WILL SEE!"
    "Shh..." I quieted him.
    "I'm serious!" He staggered then lowered his voice to a whisper, "I'm serious. We're going to make millions and millions and millions of dollars...and now with you doing Adrian's film...Adrian's film?-- hey, what is going on with you and Adrian?"
    "If I'm still doing Adrian's film. I don't know. I haven't seen or spoken to him in weeks."
    "You signed a contract, sweetheart-- he'd have to fight hard to do fuck all about that. You're doing it. It's just going to be uncomfortable..."
    "Thank you for that bode of confidence."
    "Well, I told you not to get involved with boys. Didn't I? I told you to wait. But you didn't. No one ever listens to me. What sort of director am I that no one listens to me? Audrey," His tone became serious, "Audrey, am I good director?"
    "You're the best, Noah," I told him somberly.
    "I'm sorry if I never acted like your friend. We are friends, Audrey. Damn good friends. Practically family." He put an arm around me in a warm, sloppy embrace, "And we made a fucking fine film."

    I had been sleeping on Noah and Sara's sofa every night of the two weeks since my break up with Christian.
    Edward Brent had decided that it would be best for our arrangement if I didn't move into his house until I was finished filming in Bellingham. His logic was that if we began the front before I went to Washington, people might speculate when I was seen out and about with Adrian. Even the smallest slip could soil my name therefore making me worthless to him.
    I did understand his reasoning but it left me with few options of places to go
    I tried to go back to the apartment that first night, after the restaurant and after I had signed Edward's contract, but I stood in the doorway and stared down at all of the furniture that Christian had purchased for me like I was a haunted woman.
    I hastily grabbed three t-shirts and underwear from the dresser and shoved them into my totebag then left and went straight to Noah's doorstep.
    "I can't go to my place but I don't want to talk about it. May I stay here?" I asked. Noah swung the door open wordlessly & walked back into the house.
    That's as close to a conversation about what had happened as we would get. I drove us to the set every morning and home every night. Sara provided me with her mother's quilt, red wine, a new toothbrush and washed my t-shirts with their laundry once a week. They never once asked me how long I had planned to stay with them and didn't question me the morning after filming wrapped and I decided that it was time to go back to Silverlake.
   
    I walked into the apartment, went straight for the medicine cabinet and took three Benadryl with a beer. I laid down on the carpet with a blanket and fell asleep watching Rocky and Bullwinkle.
   
    I woke up to darkness. I squinted at the clock to make out the digital display. 8pm. Groggy, I crawled to the turntable and set the needle down on whatever was already on it-- Shellac--huh, fitting. I felt as inferior being a woman as the myth that Albini thought all women were. I staggered to the fridge for a bottle of water then studied the stillness of the apartment. I had to pack. I felt compelled to do so.
    I needed to get anything that Christian had seen, touched or breathed on out of my sight.
    My phone rang at eleven p.m. while I was packing up books. It was my sister's number.
    "Hello Jane," I greeted, apathetically.
    She was silent.
    "Hello? Hello?"
    I heard her sniffle then pause.
    "I love you," Her voice cracked when she said it.
    I recognized this conversation. It was the same one that I'd had with her six years ago from a payphone in Michigan.
    "What happened?" I asked.
    Jane started to cry.
   
    "Mom's dead."